In my less-than-exemplary moments, Jovie has been encouraging me to employ the same tactics I have been trying to teach her to process and manage her emotions. Often these are short little questions she asks, like "Are you frustrated, Mommy?" But sometimes she practices more sophisticated interventions. Some examples:
One day I was working from home and was very intent on figuring something out, but was getting more and more exasperated by the issue. At the same time, Jovie was watching a movie (yes, I am that mom who uses TV to occupy my child while I'm trying to get something done), clinging to my leg, begging me to dance with her. I refused, telling her how much I needed to get done, and she just kept repeating "Dance with me, Mommy!" Each time I would give her a reason why I didn't have time. We went back and forth like this for a few minutes (with both of us shedding a few tears at some point), until finally we both stopped our protests. She sat quietly next to me on the couch, while every now and then I would mutter something about how frustrated I was with the issue at work. A couple minutes later, she patted my arm and said "Slow down, Mommy. Just take your time."
Another evening this week when Jovie, Mike and I were all in the living room, I was pretty frustrated about something else. I made a face and an audible "Arg!" noise. Suddenly, a little voice started singing the same song to me that I sing to her from the "Daniel Tiger" television show (Mr. Rogers just keeps giving!). "When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath... and count to four."
Both of these times, her tactics worked pretty well to diffuse the situation. They gave me enough pause to see the humor (and even the little wisdom) in the moment and transported me away from my own little world for a short time. I have a little better perspective when I re-enter the situation, after I've stopped to dance with Jovie for a minute or two.
One day I was working from home and was very intent on figuring something out, but was getting more and more exasperated by the issue. At the same time, Jovie was watching a movie (yes, I am that mom who uses TV to occupy my child while I'm trying to get something done), clinging to my leg, begging me to dance with her. I refused, telling her how much I needed to get done, and she just kept repeating "Dance with me, Mommy!" Each time I would give her a reason why I didn't have time. We went back and forth like this for a few minutes (with both of us shedding a few tears at some point), until finally we both stopped our protests. She sat quietly next to me on the couch, while every now and then I would mutter something about how frustrated I was with the issue at work. A couple minutes later, she patted my arm and said "Slow down, Mommy. Just take your time."
Another evening this week when Jovie, Mike and I were all in the living room, I was pretty frustrated about something else. I made a face and an audible "Arg!" noise. Suddenly, a little voice started singing the same song to me that I sing to her from the "Daniel Tiger" television show (Mr. Rogers just keeps giving!). "When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath... and count to four."
Both of these times, her tactics worked pretty well to diffuse the situation. They gave me enough pause to see the humor (and even the little wisdom) in the moment and transported me away from my own little world for a short time. I have a little better perspective when I re-enter the situation, after I've stopped to dance with Jovie for a minute or two.
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